presence

photo by Suzanne Taylor Dater

I’m trying to help a tutee with something that I myself struggle with—formatting.  As I fiddle around, I see that my tutee is not present in the session but rather highly agitated, so I take a moment to check in.  In doing so, a portal opens and leads us into another space entirely, away from a tutor/student dynamic and into a sacred witness/holy storytelling dynamic.  The student needs to be heard, so for thirty minutes—his body shaking, his hands moving restlessly up and down his legs, his eyes bursting with tears held at bay—he unburdens his heart.  It doesn’t matter anymore that I don’t know how to fix margins.  My job is simply to be a witness to this  man’s story of trauma.  

On a dime, the two of us have slipped out of mundane time and into a space of holy trust, and I believe that both of us emerged from this “session” feeling more grounded and balanced.  The best way I can think of to describe this encounter is that there was a mutual feeling of connection through presence.

The gift of presence with another person is that it brings us out of the “I” space and into the “we.”  And this is a space in which “real life” happens.  When genuinely present, self-consciousness drops away (who cares that I’m incompetent when it comes to technology).   

There is something transformative about being truly in the presence of another that banishes distracting thoughts, distracting devices, distractions period.  We no longer have to defend our individual fortresses, because we are focused outside of ourselves on someone else, in solidarity with them, tuned in.   

The thirteenth century poet Saadi Shirazi articulates the interconnection—and needed solidarity—between human beings this way:  

Human beings are parts of each other,

In creation are indeed of one essence.

If one part is afflicted with pain,

Other parts uneasy will remain.

If you have no sympathy for human pain,

The name of human you cannot retain.[i]

To be present to one another is exhilarating because it is what we so need during this time of human loneliness and isolation.  Humans need humans.  We need the presence of others, especially during the most searing, painful times of our lives.

A kind of magic happens, moreover, when we open our hearts to others.  It means that we can allow ourselves to feel for another’s suffering, which may take us out of our own pre-occupations, anxieties, or despair.  A delicate interplay of love energy, infused into an emotionally wrought situation, might even ignite in a person the will to make it to the next day.  

In a state of presence, we are together, connected, in community, and vibrantly alive.  

[i] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saadi_Shirazi.  I want to thank my colleague Kourosh Ghaderi for bringing this poem to my attention and for enlightening me with his insights and conversation.